Two books
your mother
warned you about.

Buckland J Randall was born in the UK, where he lives and works as a highly respected and successful author.

He grew up in a commune in Sussex, where at the age of eighteen he was asked to leave the cult because of his prolific drug dealing and procuring of elderly prostitutes.

Randall then attended several universities, where he failed every subject including Literature and basic writing.

After failing his exams he moved to London and trained as a dancer and stripper. On his first professional engagement he fell off the stage, landing on two grandmothers and injuring them both. Not one to be despondent, he bounced back and retrained as a horse whisperer working exclusively with deaf horses. This, too, was a short-lived career.

At thirty, Buckland invested his life savings in a vaccine to rid the world of people born with red hair. As yet, no governments have come forward to take up the offer.

After the vaccine venture, he designed the first ever steam-driven motocross bike, only to discover that riders were perfectly happy with the far superior petrol-driven models.

He then opened a large high street shop hoping to corner the market in Rodeo Clown Barrels. It closed after three months due to a total lack of customers and sales.

Undeterred, he built and produced a 4x4 all-terrain truck called the Randall, which won him critical acclaim, right up until the makers of Land Rover shut him down. They had discovered he had simply bought a Land Rover Defender and replaced all the LR badges with the name Randall.